The last 364 days have been a sweet and sour cocktail for me. I was just telling Ty at lunch,
"I usually get to my birthday thinking how fast the year flew by. But this year felt a little too long." That's new.
The last 364 days were unexpected and some unwanted; but looking back, I can say I feel like I grew up a little this year.
You know when you ask a child on her 12,13, or even 21st birthday, "
So! Do you feel (insert age)?!"
No, is the typical response and oh so true.
I don't think we ever really feel older until something happens to remind us of the miles we've put on our life's engine.
But today is different. Today I feel 25.
I've dreaded the arrival of today since my 22nd birthday. To me, 25 is that age when you're "really" an adult. Like for reals. You can't mess around with life anymore. (I mean come on, I can rent a car now!) Your vocabulary slyly shifts from concerts and rag mags, to IRAs and fiscal years. 25 was my "far off" age that I always threw things off to, but never really soaked in its encroaching arrival.
When I was 20, I wanted to conquer the world by the age of 25. "
5 years," I thought.
"That's a long time! I've got this!"
To that girl, I'd say now:
Oh sweet and dreamy girl, 25 is not your end goal. By 25 you will have experienced a new depth of love, loss, sorrow and overwhelming joy. Yes, life will change, jobs will kick in (kinda) and people will have a new set of rules and expectations for you to follow, but by 25, you'll realize your life, as confusing and chaotic as it may be, is beautifully unwrapping before your very eyes.
A couple weeks ago, when I was deliberating this whole concept to Ty, he smiled at me in the comforting way that only he can, and said, "
Baby, you have conquered the world. You've started ripple effects that will change it long after you and I are gone."
I kept thinking about his words all day. Ripple effects. Ripple effects. Ripple effects. And the only image I could see in my head was my Baby Girl Mo.
She is my world changer.
Not just my personal and literal world, but a changer of the entire world. She will be strong, she will be courageous, she will learn gentleness and humility, and she will learn to be brave.
She is coming to me at a time I would have considered "past due," but God knew better. He created her to exist at a time when my human notions could have easily convinced me how fleeting life was.
The world will change because of her.
So I face this next 25 years, shaking in my pink slippers and over stuffed from a birthday lunch, but completely confident in the woman God is fashioning me to be.
He knew when He fashioned and knitted me in my mother's womb, that disillusionment would be my kryptonite.
But He also knew through the broken glass would be a life I could have never had enough time or imagination to dream up for myself.
I may move a little slower, watch my calorie intake a little closer, or even sleep a little earlier, but I can feel this is going to be a pivotal year. With preconceived notions seeing themselves to the exit doors, I'm sitting in my West Hollywood apartment, excited and a little nervous to see who I will be next year.
