Myth #3: Marriage is for Our Happiness
No. It's not. It’s for your
holiness.
Why do we get married to begin
with? B/c we are “in love?” B/C we can’t see ourselves living with out that person?
B/C “Jack” or “Jill” is your soul mate? All great reasons. But here’s the truth:
if we make this mentality our worldview, we can prepare for disappointment, unfulfilled
expectations and eventually looking to others (outside of our spouse) for happiness.
The great thing about marriage is that God desires us to be married! However,
in every relationship we are expected to love one another, encourage one
another, not to judge one another, we’re to be kind to one another…the list of
“one another’s” continues. My very first lesson in marriage: the hardest thing
about it is yourself. Once you get married and your spouse is requesting
something of you, which you absolutely despise, hate or just never imagined yourself
to ever have to be in that situation of considering the task, then what?
Newlyweds Jack and Jill
have one day off together and she desires to be @ that happiest place on
earth, Disney Land. Jack is a little more audacious and would much rather go to
Magic Mountain. But Jill hates roller coasters and Jack hates mice. And Tea
cups, not too much of a fan of princesses either. Seems like no big deal, but
when you’re actually in this moment, it can make or break the entire day
together. Who wins? Who yields to each other?
Fast forward 5 years and
Jill is pregnant with baby #2, planning on having her tubes tied after her
delivery. Jack wants @ least 2 more kids. Who wins? Who yields to each other?
This can make or break the entire marriage, not to mention a hormonal pregnant
woman.
Similar struggles are bound
to occur in every marriage…until death do you part. Jill would be ecstatic,
spending her time @ the happiest place on earth, but in turn, this would cost
Jack his anticipation and his hopes of spending his time elsewhere. Here we
have a situation where one person wins, and the other loses their excitement and delight of a day well spent.
Solution: Holiness.
Somebody here in the amusement park drama gets to choose to be selfless and
yield their desires to the other. Someone here is going to have to chose to
humble themselves in order to make the other happy. But this solution is not
easy, especially in the daily mundane tasks of marriage—not least when you feel
that you are continually giving and giving and never receiving back. But we
know that the Bible does in fact tell us holiness isn’t easy and will always be
challenging through this pursuit.
Nowhere in the Bible are we told we are going
to be happy in marriage. Quite the opposite: we are told that in all relationships
we are to be humble with one another, love one another, encourage one another, we’re
not to lie to one another and if we do are we are to forgive one another…the
list continues here.
We’re actually not really told how we should
be feeling about a relationship, just how we should be reacting towards people.
These exhortations are challenging just to read, but practicing them daily is a
challenge. Trying to practice them daily with your spouse whom you feel has
wronged you in some area…you then really begin to see how selfish you are.
God’s grace is sufficient for us in our weakness through our attempt of
pursuing holiness.
Love,
