Thursday, October 27, 2011

Part 2 // In Every Season

**If you're just joining us, please read the intro and Part 1 to this story. Trust me. haha.
-Intro//In Every Season
-Part 1

I was afraid for October to come so quickly. I felt like I was doing everything right. I changed my diet, I calculated cycles, cut out most of my caffeine in take and started working out. Tried to sleep more. But I had this nagging feeling that October would come and go with no sign of pregnancy. So I tried to stop thinking about it. That's what everyone was telling me, right? 

There's always those who have every good intention of being helpful and hopeful. They say things like, you know it took me a year to have my first, or I've heard once you stop trying, it happens, or just try and stop thinking about it and relax. My response is always appreciative and optimistic because I know they are as much at loss for words in this awkward conversation as I am. 

But everything in me wants to hold their faces in my cupped hands or kneel before them and beg, Tell me how. 
Tell me how to relax and stop dwelling on it. 
Tell me how to not let it consume my every waking moment. 
Tell me how to not interpret every stomach ache and twitch and temperature rise. 
Show me how to not weep and cry and sob every 33 days. 
Tell me how to not curse my inadequate body or my genetics. 
I'll do it. I promise. Someone please just tell me how. 

But they don't know either. 
Even the precious couples that have been through this war. They just survived. There was no rhyme or reason. They just did. And we will too.  

To be continued.
^^^Opinions, two-cents, questions and ramblings are welcome. And go above. Go ahead. Try it.

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