The Poison of Indifference

Indifferent is a dangerous state of being. It means one's feelings are becoming numb. It represents lack of interest or having no particular interest; unconcerned. One just is. It is often mistaken for acceptance, denial, or tolerance, but it's much much shadier than that. 


Indifference is the silent killer of all things good. 


Indifference is poison in my body. It is slowly killing whatever raw emotion I have left. My heart has gone from excitement to disappointment, disappointment to hope, hope to anger, and recently anger to indifference. I'm trying hard to grasp onto what is good, noble, true and lovely. But my world has gone from color to various shades of grey one too many times. 


Where there was once longing, there is a gaping hole whose yearning to be filled has ceased. It is complacent being wide open, exposed and unfulfilled. 


It is in times like these I cling to these words: 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

I don't feel them, but they are truth none the less. So in this state of complacency, this dangerous phase of indifference, I will seek, with all my heart, the wisdom that can only come from God. Otherwise, this thing is going to kill me, and that just can't happen. 


Are you experiencing or have you experienced the poison of indifference? 
How do you keep yourself from giving in?