Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Encouraging Your Husband

*Todays Married Life post is from a very special guest and friend. She's 9+ months preggo and about to pop, but not before she got this post done ;) She has a blog {A Pittstop} that encourages wives in their own theology, critical thinking, and womanhood. Please welcome, Amber Pitts.* 

Everyone wants to be encouraged right? Everyone likes to receive compliments on performance, attributes, and especially a job well done. It’s one of those things you can’t really ask for and no one requires you to do. Unless you’re a follower of Jesus Christ. In that case, according to Hebrews 3:13 we are called [commanded] to encourage other in order to help guard and protect fellow believers against sin. We do this to recognize the evidences of God’s grace working in our lives and the lives of others.

But the more primary question lies here: Why should we do this—specifically—with our husbands? Besides our relationship with God, the most superior relationship & bond we have on earth is with our husbands. Besides being created to have a relationship with God, we see that in 1 Corinthians 11:9 and Genesis 2:18-23 we were created to be their helpers. There are so many ways, steps, and subpoints to this main principle but I’ll give you one of the most prominent examples. The work place. At work, our husbands may be tempted or feel defeated in a number of ways:

     -defeat or embarrassment as a response to their bosses when they feel as if
     they’re not living up to works standards.
     -feeling like they’re not adequate enough for work.
     -tempted sexually.
     -dealing with women on feminist or power trips.

(Just to name a few) They should be able to arrive home to experience a place of safety, love, welcoming hearts/attitudes and acceptance for who they are, despite the shortcomings that they have to deal with at work. So while many of our husbands are out there feeling defeat Monday-Friday, 9AM to 5PM, those of us who have been blessed with the high calling of helpmates, should be reflecting on what makes our marriage advance to be what God has ordained it to be. As wives, we must try to keep our husbands encouragement on the forefront of our minds. For some, this may start in ths home. Creating a sanctuary, a place of rest and peace for them to “escape” to. For others, it may be through our words and affirmation of them as a man, husband, and father. Never assuming he already knows how much we love and respect him. Every marriage is different, the goal is to find out what encourages your husband the most.

For this to take place, we must study your husbands to know what they want. And the process of studying involves research, observation, reviewing and making sure you’re up to date on changes of the subject you’re studying as well as asking questions. Although it is great to ask your friend what she would do to make her husband happy, if he had a bad day @ work, most likely the safest and sure-way guarantee to encourage your husband is to know what he personally enjoys from you. Ask him

Julianna and I sent a blast email asking husbands what their wives do to encourage them.

“What encourages you from your wife—what motivates you or spurs you on to be a better husband (and father if this applies), a better man of god, or energizes you to do well & work harder in life, and or the ministry?”

+She is devoted to God.  She strives to do everything for his glory and for her family.
She tries to provide a home that is inviting.  When I get home from work she wants it to be a place where I can relax, find shelter, and know that I am appreciated.  She does a great job.  I feel all of these and more.

+She is committed to health; mental, emotional, physical, spiritual.  She watches: what she eats, the conversations she engages in, the drama that can easily come her way from others (women/mothers/me/etc), exercise and bible study with other women.  All of these make it possible for her to love God and me with a whole heart and strength.

+She is committed to her boys (including me).  She shops at garage sales, on Craigs list, and other venues to ensure that we save money and still have high quality stuff.

+Godliness, that is obvious--personal commitment to times of prayer and Scripture reading. Sensitivity to God's leading and voicing how she feels God is speaking to her. Intentionality in using her gifts in the body.

+A deep commitment to the church that challenges my own work ethic. The more she is seeking God, the more it causes me to want to improve my pursuit of God and his kingdom. 

+On the personal level, Verbal recognition of things that are going very well in life/marriage, etc., which makes me want to make things even betters. Lots of buy in with whatever I am involved in.


+Gifts, even if small ones.

+Respect, lots of it. Long term vision for the future.

+Good perspective on the present. Also, if I feel she has really become a helper in the sense of enabling us to fulfill God's calling on our lives.

+Knowing that she is on my team.

+When she helps me with things that are important to me and works alongside me. When she cares about what I care about.

+Pure and respectful submission--even when I don't deserve it. 

+Passionate love-making--especially when I dont expect it.

+She makes sure that I know I am essential to her life; as well as making a significant contribution to the quality of life she currently enjoys.  I frequently find myself rising to the godly standard that she so often paints for me

+What encourages me to do better is her kind words.

+Encouragement and affirmation. Allowing me to retain independence and be alone once in a while. Respecting that I don't want to rehash the past to satisfy the need to talk. Respecting that I'm no where near to being fully matured in Christ, and having the faith to see the end from the beginning. 

+She knows my love language.

+Smiling. Being mostly care-free. Kindness. A learner.

+TRUTH above all, spoken in LOVE, to REMIND me who my GOD is, and who he has made me.

+When she says things like, I'm really proud of you, Thanks for working so hard for us, I'm so happy to be yours, I know you can do whatever you put your mind to, Thanks for all you do. On the same note though, If the opposite thing happens I can be torn down to the ground. Funny how girls have so much power over there men.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
So wives, ask your husband what encourages him. What is it that you say, do, express, not-express that makes your husband feel like he can "conquer the world"?

Amber from A Pittstop
^^^Opinions, two-cents, questions and ramblings are welcome. And go above. Go ahead. Try it.

Reader Faves.