Wednesday, April 13, 2011

6 Lessons I've Learned in Marriage

*This post is apart of our A Week of Married Life Series on JM. For the previous posts go here*

Let me just preface this post with you can do all the prep you want, but nothing really prepares you for marriage except marriage itself. There are practical preparations of course, and conversations that need to be had before, but I have always wondered why they do pre-marital counseling and not post-marital counseling. Or maybe we're the only ones in the whole world to need it after we tied the knot. Ty and I  were well aware of our issues going into marriage, but when infatuation takes a little break, reality [and some lies] sets in. I have come to realize that marriage is a phenomenon many will never fully understand. Or at least will take our entire lives to get remotely close to figured out. 
With that, here are the top {five} lessons I've learned since being married. 

6. Boys are just as weird as we all assume they are.
They really do burp and fart and leave the toilet seat up every single time they use the bathroom. They make normal everyday routines look like full contact sports. Let's take brushing your teeth as an example. When girls brush their teeth, they do just that, brush. When guys brush they mow down their teeth. I think I've bought minimum of 50 tooth brushes since our wedding day.

5. It's ok to have to ask for help.
In fact, I highly recommend it. I thought asking for help during our first 4 months of marriage meant we were destined for failure. How could the honeymoon be over that fast?? But when we found out we weren't alone, it was like the flood gate to peace opened up. We are normal. There is a very small chance that anyone can make a marriage work with just the two people who exchanged vows. I would even be as bold to say the chances are slim to none. We needed people, older & wiser, people in our life to tell us whether or not we're normal, encourage us to do better, encourage us to forgive and apologize, and kick us in the tantrum booty every once in a while. This one is not an option for a healthy marriage. 

4. Talk about everything.
When the pros say that communication is key, they're not over exaggerating. Money, friends, children, household duties, work, school, intimacy, feelings [especially hurt ones], food, parents, in-laws, siblings, holidays, priorities, and anything else you can think of. Make your expectations of each other known. When I verbalized stuff like that, I quickly realized one of two things: 1) I am leaving no room for assumption on Ty's part and that's good or 2) My expectations are ridiculous and I need to get over myself. haha. In a nice way :) Verbalizing is powerful. 

3. I am not a natural wife. Ty is not a natural husband.
Like most everything else, we have to learn how to be a good spouse to one another. I remember when Ty and I were up ridiculously late having a never-ending argument and I prayed, God, if this is relationship is so glorifying to You, why the heck did you have to make it so difficult? It was almost a rhetorical question. But over the last [almost] two years of marriage, Ty and I have slowly but surely given each other permission to fail because we're not pros at this thing yet. And that's ok. It's even more ok when I fail and feel comforted by the abundance of grace and patience that Ty demonstrates. He knows I'm not good at this yet. And he's ok with that. 

2. "I'm sorry" is my most frequent phrase. 
This is especially hard for me. I am a naturally prideful person and so admitting that I was wrong or admitting that I hurt my husband takes everything in me. I've met people that are naturally apologetic people. They have no problem admitting their wrongs. I pray God makes me like that someday. In our marriage, we try to be quick apologizers. Even if we think we're still right, we make sure to apologize for the lack of acknowledging the other's feelings or our lack of respect [and when I say "our" I mean "my"]. 

1. God gave us an amazingly wonderful way to show His glory.
God designed that institution of marriage for one reason: to show His love for the Church. A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. And the wife is to serve her husband as the Church serves Christ. And though marriage is alot of work, it was the best decision of my life. Tyson Morlet is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more today than I did last June and the June before that. We are a team and together have made it our goal to do our best in showing the glory of God through our marriage. And having fun at it of course. 

Now it's your turn: What lessons have you learned or heard of in marriage?


^^^Opinions, two-cents, questions and ramblings are welcome. And go above. Go ahead. Try it.

Reader Faves.