Monday, February 7, 2011

Inexplicably Incomprehensible

Happy Monday! Mondays are a love/hate thing for me. Sometimes they are refreshing because it is a brand new week with no mistakes in it [that's an adapted movie line...anyone?]. Then sometimes they are daunting because your weekend was so good and relaxing you wanted it to never end.

However, this week is a refreshing week for me. 

A couple months ago I wrote about not having life figured out. About how I feel like I am floundering in life and I just can't reach to top anymore. About how I forgot that it's ok to have more questions than answers and how life doesn't have to be all figured out.

Now fast forward 3 months and you have me, here and now. Still with no answers and even more questions, but I see a little bitty light at the end of this long tunnel. Since then, I quit one job and cut my hours on another. I am teaching more from my home so that I can housekeep just a little better. I get to travel a bunch the next 3 months doing what I love most: singing and speaking. And I am slowly discovering my creative niche. My marriage feels like it's on cruise control [for now :)] and I am the happiest girl in the world right now. 

I can't explain it and that makes me beam with joy because that means this has to be real:
"Be anxious for nothing but in everything with prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."
I can't explain why I am at peace when my world feels like it's tumbling on high in an industrial size dryer. I'm disoriented, confused, and I can't focus on anything but what's one step in front of me. But my panic is gone. My worry is subsiding. And my fear has been nowhere to be found. 

It's in explicable peace. And I am overwhelmingly grateful. 

Yesterday we sang Come Thou Fount in worship and that first verse brought me to my knees. 

"Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing your praise", meaning, God I am inviting you in to tune and tweak and fashion my heart so that I might praise you in everything. 

"Stream of mercy never ceasing, calls for song of loudest praise", because You have yet to let me go. You have let to withhold your love and mercy from me and because of you I am alive and breathing and because of you I will sing at the top of my lungs forever. 

"Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above. Here's my heart take and seal it, seal it for your courts above", meaning let my praise be as pure as the angels and my heart be only accessible by You. Nothing else can make me or break me unless it comes from You.

Therefore I will not question this peace because I know there is no comprehendible answer.

Have you ever felt like this before?  


1 comment:

Cara Maat said...

that is my favorite hymn in all the world. have you ever heard Sara Groves version of it? look it up.

^^^Opinions, two-cents, questions and ramblings are welcome. And go above. Go ahead. Try it.

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