Thursday, January 6, 2011

You are for Me.

Today was a crazy day. Alot of good things but not enough time. Nothing bad. Just busy. It's days like this when I think, What if I'm doing this all wrong? But I dont know how to change it. Do you ever feel like that? And if so, what do you do?

I talked to God alot today. I told that I'm a little frustrated at Him. A little hurt. But I still trust Him. I told him that I felt like He stopped speaking to me. That ever since I got married, He stopped communicating with me like He use to. I still learn because He has revealed Himself through the Bible and I still love Him because He has changed my life. But I'm just a little butt-hurt.

And...I know what He's doing. 

He's testing me.

You see, before I was married, I only had to depend on God. I made decisions based on what I thought He was telling me. I was independent. And if I questioned anything I thought He was telling me or any move He was calling me to make, I could reason out my doubt with, He's God. Sovereign God. Who am I to doubt His plan? It just seemed silly to doubt God Almighty.

But now, now I have man, a wonderful man at that, but still a man, that is biblically supposed to take the position of my leader. My decision maker. Not in a chauvinistic way. He is very humble when he puts his foot down and takes the lead. However, now my pride, self-sufficiancy, and refusal to obey has been revealed. Exposed. Illuminated for my husband to see and I am having a hard time with it. 

It was one thing to doubt my trust in God. It was a silly notion. 
It's a whole other story to trust that my human being husband is getting his orders from God.

It's a lot harder and I confessed and asked Tyson's forgiveness a couple weeks ago because I wasn't trusting that God's goodness was guiding Him. I was questioning everything under the sun. I couldn't just be. I couldn't just rest. I couldn't trust

So this has been my anthem song. It's written by Kari Jobe and has pierced my heart to its core. So I declare this to myself and if you're in that place of brokenness with me, I encourage you to declare it to yourself as well.  

I know that you are faithful. I know that you are so constant and so true, so powerful in all you do. You see me, you fill me, you love for me to sing to you. I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart to remind me who are. 

Love, JM


Anonymous said...

this post was soooo beautiful, and real. You have no idea how it has encouraged me, and spurred me on. I felt like what you wrote was exactly the struggles I have now....thank you for being real. honest. and beautiful. =)

Julianna Morlet said...

@ anonymous: i am so glad to hear i'm not crazy ;) and stubborn all on my own haha. you are so welcome!

JoAnna Schultz said...

Amen Sista! Again, I love you! That seems to be the only thing that comes to mind, that I want to shout out to you when I read your posts : ) And I am so blessed at seeing God's beautiful work in and through you! So beautiful, really!

JoAnna Schultz said...

P.S. I LOVE this song too!!!!
Sincerely, your fellow broken sister ;-)

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