My Daughter Needs Me to Stop Striving for Perfection

Ty: Hey.

Me: Hey.

Ty: Remember when you use to blog everyday?

Me: Vaguely. 

You'd think, a three-hour napper would give me some space and time to sit and pound out a couple of the posts I have bouncing in and out of my head all day. But sometimes bills, laundry and sleep take precedence. 

I've always had a hard time not being the perfect housewife. I hate cleaning and when I attempt to cook a meal, I'm easily distracted; resulting in something burning, overflowing, or disgusting. I frequently have to rewash laundry because I forget to switch it over. My counters don't sparkle and it's a good day if the bed gets made. 

Every January first, at least one of my resolutions consist of changing this part of me. 

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started to get anxious about the extra responsibility motherhood was going to put on these areas of my life. If I can't get these under control now, how am I going to do this and take care of another human being? Pinterest didn't help.

Perfection was my goal and meeting that goal wasn't looking good. 

"Striving for excellence motivates you, striving for perfection is demoralizing." 

-Dr. Harriet Bralker 

Striving for perfection is disheartening. Discombobulating. Discouraging. 

There have been moments in the last three months when I've felt just that: demoralized. Not because I have a difficult baby or even lack of sleep, but because of giant monster we call "comparison." Between "Supermom's" Facebook posts and the self-burdening expectations I put on myself and my sweet baby, comparison has gotten the better of me on more than one occasion.

I've quickly realized perfection is unattainable, because perfection is a mirage. (You know someone needs to hear that! Tweet, tweet?)

If there's one thing I've learned so far, in my short stint of this marathon, it's that motherhood isn't an end goal, it's a journey (Click to tweet). The failure, the struggle, the joy and exceeding expectations are part of it all; or so I hear. 

I may not be as perfect as I'd hoped to be, but I'm learning to accept that right now, at this point in my journey, to my baby girl, I'm as good of a mother as I can be. 

"There's something better than perfection," and it's authenticity. I need it, my daughter needs it, my husband needs it, my community needs it. 

*If you are on Facebook, you saw the picture that rocked me into this whole thing.

Sure, it may be messier, less squeaky and more wrinkly. But it's worth it. 

Maybe, you've been struggling with the mirage of perfection too; in motherhood, in academia, in the workforce, in marriage. Maybe you've felt like your end goal is unattainable. Unreachable. 

You don't feel like the best ____________________. Me neither. But right now, in this season, as learners and seekers, we are the best we can be. And sometimes, that's good enough. 

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What's a stand-out lesson you've learned about "mirage of perfection" so far? It can be from your own experience or from observing someone else's experience. 

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While motherhood is a very prevalent part of my current season, I try to limit myself to a once a week gush. It's usually Thursdays. Thanks for reading. 

Rest Is Out of My Comfort Zone

I've been rewriting and deleting posts for the last three days, feeling like what I'm attempting to communicate is jammed under my fingernails and won't come out. There's no fast track to becoming a better writer, speaker, singer, mentor, mother. They all take time and practice. Lots of time. Lots of practice.

I'm one of those girls that wants to accomplish all my dreams and whims right now. Like, right now right now. I think with all the "Yolo-ing" I see, feel, hear around me, I've fallen into a creativity stall out on the road to overwhelm.

I want to Yolo.

In fact, my comfort zone is yolo-ing. I love whimsical adventures and impromptu cupcake shop dreams. I love packing the car and heading to Sunny San Diego overnight. I love buying way too many art supplies with dreams of painting something every morning by my big open window. I love starting a worship coaching business in my home while learning how to be a mom, and planting a church with my husband in the big bad cement jungle of Los Angeles. 

That's my comfort zone. Always moving, always creating. 

What's outside of my comfort zone is reduction. Slowing down makes me nervous; like I didn't utilize that day to its fullest capacity. I wasted time. I wasted energy. 

Do you ever feel like that? (Thanks to your responses on Facebook, I know I'm not alone in this.)

I don't view rest as a way to pace myself; to prevent burn out or burn down. I see it as lazy and unuseful. I could have done one more load of laundry; I need to email those people back; I really should mop the floors. But all I really want to do is sleep, watch a show, or take a walk.   

I know these feelings aren't based on truth. I know resting is good. It's natural and quite biblical. I know the lack of it causes weariness and anxiety. I know some seasons are meant to be lived in big movement, while other seasons are meant to cease such movement. (Tweet that.) Or at least slow down a little. 

Jesus knew without rest, His disciples were ineffective (Mark 6:31, Matthew 26:45)
Jesus knew without rest, He was ineffective. (Matthew 8:24, 14:13, Mark 6:31-32, 46)

In the midst of a "busy life," even Jesus knew rest was necessary. (Click to tweet) The Son of God, fully man and fully God, saw it fit to stop. Breathe. Nourish. Rest.

No life is meant to live hurried and bustled and crowded. Life is meant to be lived, sweetly and freely, affecting change in the hearts, minds, and souls of the people around us. And we can't do that if we're burnt or burdened. 

If the God Man identified a need in His own life, and the life of His closest friends, to stop wheels from spinning, well then I can certainly take time to do the same. Even if it is far out of my comfort zone.

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What is outside of your comfort zone?
Are you a naturally restful person? Or are you uneasy with resting like me?

Let's chat in the comment section.

photo via buttercupink

The Job Song | Free Background Download

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The Job Song has been on repeat in my head this week. Tough lyrics but so much conviction. Trusting God is not something I'm good at. I rarely understand His ways until after the fact. I have way too many "Ooooooh that's what You were doing," moments for a girl who's been following Jesus since her tween years. But isn't that the beauty of faith? It's kind of ironic if you think about it. Faith is something learned, but you never really learn it fully. Beautifully ironic, is this grace thing. 

Anyways, BabyMo's nap time + creative bug resulted in some free goodies for you all today. I hope you like them and more importantly, I hope they are an encouraging reminder of God's grace for you today. 

How to Save | 

(Computer: Click photo to make bigger + right click + save to your computer + set as desktop)

(Phone: Hold finger on photo + save image + set as lock/home screen)

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. // Today I feel like I'm reliving a painful season that birthed this song in my life. // Even though I see the comfort that has come from it, the raw parts of my heart would never relive it. // If you are struggling through this today, my heart bleeds for you and I'm so sorry. 

Merry Christmas Music, From the Mo's

Starting Christmas music on October 1 is Morlet tradition.

Well, it's more like "Jules" tradition, because Mr. Mo can't seem to lose his grinch face until about October 31. 

Christmas music represents so much more to me than melodies and harmonies for a particular season. It represents memories. It's the nostalgia of childhood, the romance of my 20's and the glittering excitement firsts we get to share anew with our baby girl.

In high school I use to complain about the lack of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas morning to discover new music. With everyone creating and recreating old classics, 30 days just isn't enough time to listen to it all. So in 2006 I started a tradition of blasting Christmas music on October first.

From the halls of the girls' dorm to my West Hollywood apartment, we're on year seven of this glorious tradition.

I love waking up to friends texts and Facebook tags saying things like "Did you get your eggnog last night?" and "I'm listening to Michael Buble in honor of you."

Yup, it's awesome.

So here's to another year of the best genre of music there is!

What I'm Listening to This Season (continually being added to)

Winning in Worship Leading

What defines a "win" in worship?

As a worship leader, what allows me to sit back and think, yea, that went well. I think we hit the mark there. 

In other words, what is the standard? Or can there even be?

I use to believe the quality of worship couldn't be accurately judged because it was a matter of the heart and only God judges that. However, I am learning that while the idea contains truth, it doesn't make it entirely true. 

A leader is qualified by whether or not he/she has followers. If no one is following us, we may not be leading well. 

My exploration on this topic was initially sparked by a fellow blogger who stated: When you deal with subjective deliverables without defining the win in leading people into worship, a vacuum for immaturity grows.

I confess I am more excited and energized in worship leading when the congregation with singing and participating with me. I get discouraged when I feel as though I am performing because the voices aren't as loud. But who’s to say that people aren't worshipping in silence?

I do think that often times I have minimized the importance of prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit in our worship services. Ultimately, our jobs, as worship leaders, are a mute point without Him moving and stirring the hearts' of the people. He turns hearts from hard rock stone to flesh that feels (Ez 36:26). Not us. It’s important for the team and people put that at the forefront of our minds.

As for defining a win, right now I think my answer would be, if people are singing and actively engaging in worship in some way, then that’s win. 

We don’t know their hearts, but I think the responsibility lies on the worship leader to guide their congregation in worship through truth and song. Bringing to light passages like Ephesians 4-5:20; teaching them the unity we all have in Christ and a way to encourage one another in the unity is through music. Through song. Through hearing the voices of brothers and sisters who are going through trials yet still singing praise to God because of the confidence in who He is and what He has done for us. 

And if we don’t have that confidence, we'll look across the room and see Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So, who we know are going through hell and back, still raising their voices to God. How can we not be encouraged by that?

Worship Leaders need to coach, with all humility and vulnerability, their congregations in the purpose of corporate singing in order to fight off immaturity and promote unity. 

It's possible and powerful to see a congregation worshipping, together, visibly. It just takes relationship, truth and a little push to get us there.

A worship leader is a guide, taking people to places they've never been. (Tweet?)

A worship leader leads a congregation along a journey of truth about what they're seeing, feeling, hearing and how to experience it fully.

A worship leader leads people to Jesus and if they see and experience Him, that's a win.

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What do you think? Whether you're a worship leader or a worshipper, what defines a "win" for you? When you walk away from a worship service, what makes you think yea, I was totally worshipping today.

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Are you reading this as a women in worship, or do you have women on your team? Come hang out with me and talk more on this topic and others like it in my Worship Coaching Program.