In My Daughter's Eyes

Favorite song by Martina McBride, In My Daughter's Eyes. I've loved it since high school. When I heard it or sang it, I'd think of my Mama. Now, man it slays me thinking about Baby Girl Mo. 

In her eyes, I'm her everything. She trusts me. There is no broken innocence yet. The world hasn't pushed her around. She doesn't see my faults and failures. 

She sees me. Her mama. 

I see the version of who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes. 

Hi My Name is Julianna and I'm Believing God

"Have you decided that what you have done or what you are doing is all you'll ever do? Ah, God's far too creative for that." - Beth Moore | http://ctt.ec/1dtHC

I'm reading Beth's book, Believing God, with a group of my closest friends and our worlds are being turned upside down by the challenges she gives to move out of the mode of complacency into the action of faith.

"Faith is an action word," mama Beth reminds us. | http://ctt.ec/7a6pJ

"The church, comprised of all believers in Jesus Christ, is generally pretending she's cloaked with kingdom power and effectiveness while in reality she has exposed herself in the powerlessness to the ridicule of the world."

See what I mean?

I don't want to finish this life, at whatever age God seems fit, and see that I never reached even remotely what God could have done with my life.

I don't want to regret being selfish.
I don't want to regret being scared.
I don't want to regret being so concerned with safety that I pace in the desert. Familiar, yes. Dry and weariness, even more so.

However, doubt is a big crux in my belief system. How about you?

I don't necessarily doubt God's existence or really that He lacks control, but I do doubt His goodness. Often. And I don't want to anymore.

I have no reason to. He's given me no reason to. 

I can't pinpoint one, not one, situation or circumstance that God failed me. There are plenty that give off the illusion of failure. Sexual abuse. Recession. Miscarriages. Church planting.

All those illusions are just that. Illusions. And if I back up far enough away from the pain and hurt and confusion to see the bigger picture, there's an answer. There's always an answer.

I want to move. I want to fight. I want to walk alongside my brothers and sisters in an action filled faith that allows us to see the supernatural kingdom of God rain down onto this earth.

I don't what exactly that looks like for me yet, and I can't say I'm not freaked out of my mind. But I hear awareness and discontentment with our own complacency is a good place to start.

Hi, my name is Julianna and from now on, I'm believing God. 

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Have a small group? I recommend this book 1000%. Get Beth's book here > http://amzn.to/1hTYV39

5 Quick Tips on How To Be a Worship Leader Mom

ASK FOR HELP | If you and your baby are comfortable with people in your church, ask them if they'd mind hanging with your babe while you rehearse. Most people love babies. And most babies love attention. It's a perfect match! As moms it's easy to feel like you're burdening someone, but you're not. Unless, of course they say, Hey you're kinda being a burden. 

*If stranger anxiety is an issue, which is really common starting as early as 5 months, start slow. Happy babies are secure babies. Hang out with your person for a couple days and let them take the reins with your babe while you're still in the room. 

INVOLVE THEM | Best advice we got prior to becoming parents was, "Let your babies be a part of your life. Don't create a new one just for them." At this point in your life, you are someone. You have likes and dislikes. You have values and priorities and activities. And while those may shift over the coming years, let your kids see you in your sweet spots. You'll get so much joy out of watching them learn to love what you do. 

The Mo's are worship leaders at this point in time. Our jobs, our values, our passions are tied up in music for the church. I want Symphony to see that and be a part of it. 

LEARN TO COMPROMISE | Forcing a baby or toddler to do something they don't want to do is already a part of life. (Eating, sleeping, to name a couple) Find out what they do like to do and work that into the church/rehearsal routine. 

Symphony hate being strapped in anything for too long. So forcing her to sit in a strapped stroller type was out of the question. But she loves music and watching Ty play guitar. So we set up her bassinet stroller with toys and books and set her right at the foot of the stage stairs so she can watch us. She lasts about 45 minutes, with us interacting and including her as much as we can. Then when one of our sweet church girls arrives, she takes over and everybody's happy!

LET GO OF IDEALS | Do what you can with what you have. Situations may not pan out the same every week. Babysitters will bail and dinner will be pureed meat in squeeze juice packets. That's okay. Or so I'm learning. 

Ideally, my child would stay in one spot for the 2 hour rehearsal reading books and playing quietly. Reality, is she gets bored and has learned how to crawl. If your situation allows (and not all do), let your kiddo play on the carpet or floor near you or where you can see them. Yes, it's a little dirty. Yes, they put everything in their mouth. The new-mom part of me tried to anti-bacterialize the entire front of the church. 

But that is also, an ideal. 

REMEMBER THE BIGGER PICTURE | This one is subjective because each family has their own bigger picture. For us, the bigger picture is that the Mo's have been called to the local church family as worship pastors, and we find value in gathering in our community of faith, encouraging, equipping so that we all might be built up. We want our kids to see that, from the very beginning. We are striving to build a "living" legacy, of sorts. 

What have you been called to that you want your kids to see? 

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How have you introduced your babe into your work/family/busy life? 

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Thursdays are my one(ish) day to open the Motherhood window of Mo Life. Because I know not all readers are mothers, I try to gush sparingly. But if you want to see more snippets of milestones, our nightly family walks and record snot bubbles, you can find me on Instagram. #yourewelcomeforthesnotpics 

If We Were on a Coffee Date | No. 1

If we were on a coffee date, I’d stand in front of you in line and order an iced triple espresso in a grande cup with soy. And then I’d tell my favorite barista, Thomas or Alison, that I’d be taking care of your drink as well, because I love buying other people’s coffee.

If we were on a coffee date, I’d ask how your week was and have a million and one questions about the details. I love details. 

If we were on a coffee date, I’d probably tell you how the last couple weeks have been pretty pivotal for the Mo house. We’re entering an uprooted season again and I’m feeling equal parts adventurous and cowardess. I'd tell you how much I'm going to miss LA and walking to Starbucks and walking, well, everywhere else too. 

If we were on a coffee date, you’d probably wonder to yourself if “cowardess” is a real word and I’d reassure you, out loud, that it is not. 

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you about Beth Moore's book I'm reading with 3 of my closest friends. It's called Believing God, and call me late-to-the-game but holy moly it's changing my life. I'd tell you to read it too. Like tonight. 

If we were on a coffee date, I'd ask you what you're afraid of lately. Everyone's got something their afraid of. Then I'd tell you mine. And it'd probably be TMI.

And from that scary moment on, we'd be buds. 

*This post idea is not an original one. I stole the idea from Amber at Mr. Thomas and Me. She's a sweetie. Go see her. 

Mo's are Moving to Austin, Texas

For those of you who have prayed for us, supported us, co-labored with us, sent us dinners, sweet desserts, gift cards, weird postcards, funny encouraging text messages and have loved us through our crazy journey I feel we have some esssplaining to do with what's going on with us and where the Mo's are headed.

Through many signs and wisdom and encouragements of great friends and mentors in our lives, God has led us to understand our time with Antioch LA has come to an end. This was a very difficult decision to make and we have been praying, fasting and seeking wisdom through it since last October. We had some real financial reasons for needing to make this decision; Symphony being born and our health insurance ending were some of the top reasons.

What God has done with us personally in these last two years has been AMAZING and I have no doubt that our sanctification and growth is why He called us out of our comfort in beautiful-land-flowing-with-wine-and-honey Temecula to smog-and-traffic-infested-sucker-of-hopes-and-dreams LA.

God showed me so much about my flesh and my own personal sinfulness, pride and arrogance and has used these hard years to begin stripping that away from me. I am seeing more clearly that God is the one who brings hope, not my gifting, not my voice or playing or song writing, not my preaching or my ability. GOD DOES THE WORK. 

Jules and I both believe these last two years were preparation for a long tenure serving God's people and building his church! So what comes next for us? After two months of sleepless nights, endless applications filled, resumes sent out, about 10 skype interviews and an airplane ride across the country, we have prayerfully decided to take a worship leading/writing/guitar playing job in Austin, Texas at an amazing church called Shoreline. 

I am not speaking in any hyperbole when I say that God has clearly and definitively called us to Austin to join this great staff at Shoreline and continue to bless the Church, both locally in Austin and nationally as we continue to write and record songs. 

We cannot thank ya'll (getting used to that one!) enough for all your love and support and we know that God will continue to build his church as his servants are faithful to hear his voice and follow his calling!

If you want to stay updated on Mo Life, you have three options: 

• LIKE our Facebook page
• Stay updated with Jules blog, as she'll be the one posting all the "girly details" of Mo Life
• Or give us a call, providing you have our number 

With GRACE and TRUTH, 

Ty

We've moved five times in five years. And until now, we loved it. Not the actual moving part. That part stinks. But the change of scenery and new places has always excited us.

When we moved to LA in 2012, we really thought this was it. This was home. We loved the city more than we anticipated; both being from suburbia and all. But our perfect little corner apartment was our paradise for the last year and a half. (Minus the occasional cockroach sighting.)

We were happy. We were content. We were working hard. And then God moved something. My heart began to see LA as a fire in which we were about to be thrown. But not in the destructive way one might assume of a fire. Sure it's the city of broken dreams, and yes life is different here, but we fell in love with this cement jungle. This place became our refining fiery furnace.

We began to feel the permanence of our time here lifting and to be honest, we were freaking out. This is where we want to be. This is where we want to grow. These people are who we want to be our family. But God said no. Time and time again. So we prayed and fasted and looked for every reason to discount what was happening in the Mo Family. 

But it became glaringly clear that our time here was coming to an end. 

We had no idea what was next. We didn't have a "next move." But isn't that how God works sometimes? 

He asks us to step forward when we're not exactly sure where we're going. 

My mom use to say, "Honey, just do the next right thing. Even if it's putting the toothbrush back in the toothbrush holder."

One step at a time. 

We've been stepping, one step at a time, for the last three months and the path we couldn't make out amidst the deep fog, was leading us to a beautiful place called Shoreline Church in Austin, Texas. Tyson and I will both be on staff in their worship department, working with an amazing team of creatives and leadership. 

The story is one for the history books and I hope to write it someday, because trust me, it took nothing short of miraculous to get Ty to move to the country. If you've met him, you know there's nothing country about that boy. #andnowmycowboydreamscometrue 

To the friends we've made here in LA, you helped us weather the storm, even though you didn't realize the severity of it. The late night book clubs, dinner parties on our front patio, the donut and Target runs, church every week and babysitting nights, those memories have been branded into our souls. 

To the family and friends that supported us back at home, Ty said it all. You loved us through the crazy. And we love you back. Always. 

We are different people than the two wide-eyed kids who drove down Sunset Blvd two years ago. We've not yet arrived, and we don't really ever want to. Because that means we stop moving. 

And if we could sum up our time here in one sentence it'd be just that: We want to be where God wants us to be; even if it means always moving. 

With love,

Jules

I Am Not Afraid of You Anymore | On Forgiveness

This post is written in response to a scarred part of my life. I share it freely for the purpose of encouragement and restoration. If you've experience sexual abuse and would like to chat, you can send me a message through Facebook or leave a comment below. 

I use to shutter at the sight of your name. Something inside of my spirit would wilt, cower, turn away whenever I encountered anything or anyone that reminded me of you.

I would lay awake at night, wondering if I was safe. If my mother and brother and sister were safe. Reading that sentence back now it  seems silly really. But back then, you were my worst nightmare.

But not for the reason you might think. 

I wasn't afraid of you because I thought you were a monster, though most would say otherwise. And it wasn’t because I thought you were dangerous or lethal, though some might argue you were.

I was afraid of you because of what you weren’t. You weren’t who you said you were. You weren’t the safe place you were supposed to be. I was afraid because your failure damaged that sacred place in me.

I was afraid of you because you were the hand behind the gaping wound I have in one of the deepest parts of my soul. My being. I would never be the same because of you. 

Or so I thought. For a long time. As a child I thought I’d never recover.  As a child, thinking juvenile thoughts with naive limitations, I thought I’d never be the same again. I was damaged. And it was you that damaged me. 

But God. 

He is bigger. 

He is bigger than you and me and them. 

He shattered the glass ceiling on healing. He very gently took down the brick walls I had built around redemption. He taught me strength and courage through the vulnerability and humility of my mother. He loved me, like a Father should, through the hands and wisdom and heart of my father. And He showed me the magnetic and supernatural of forgiveness through my husband. 

Forgiveness. A power unmatched by any court or weapon or earthly force. And yet, it is accessible by all. Even me.

I've been called to forgive much because I've been forgiven of much. Thank you Jesus for that unwavering truth. 

You see, forgiveness breaks chains, both physically and emotionally. Forgiveness shatters anger and resentment.

Forgiveness rebuilds wholeness and goodness and love. 

So I am not afraid of you anymore, because I choose to live free. 

I am not afraid of you anymore because I forgive you. 

For the sake of my redemption and yours as well. 

Our Love Story | Part 5

When I use to ask my married girlfriends how they knew their husbands were "the one," they'd always reply, You just know. It's weird, but you do. 

Liars, I'd think. There's no way. But there is. 

I think I knew early on that Ty might be it, but the timing and apparent mountains that separated our lives seemed so big. So vast. To know it was him all along seemed like shooting an arrow at a target deep into the black hole.

But that day, in that booth, I knew. It was him. It'd always been him. The one I said, "NEVER EVER EVER" to was the one who swooned and waited and captivated my heart. 

It wasn't fuzzy. It wasn't fairy dust. It wasn't a lightning bolt or a giant neon arrow blinking at me.

And while our love is pleasurable and enjoyable and beautiful, that feeling is not what holds up our marriage. If it was, we might have failed a long time ago.

It was a choice. A choice to run hard and fast in the direction that God had cleared for me. A choice to look up. A choice to look around and see who was running next to me. And a choice that said, "We run faster and better together than we do apart. And you're a hottie."

A choice to love, through sickness and health and abundance and poverty. 

A choice to fight and break and mend, together. 

We made a choice to love.

He's the best thing that's happened to me. And I'd do the whole thing over again with no hesitation.

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Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, or Part 4? Click to read. 

Want more? The Proposal Day | The Wedding Day

Our Love Story | Part 4

He walked out of that recording booth. We wrapped cords and walked to the truck. I don't remember if we walked in silence or if he was making small talk and I wasn't really paying attention. But as he started the engine, I blurted out, Ok, I'll marry you. 

He stopped. He looked. And with the biggest goofiest grin you can think up in your mind, he laughed out, Really?!

And with a grin equally as big and a heart full and about to burst, I replied, Yes, really. 

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Missed Part 1, Part 2, Part 3? Click to read. Don't miss the last post! I' can toss it in your inbox for ya, click here.