The Right to Write

A couple months ago I started reading this book. It's called The Right to Write by an explicitly authentic and enamoring author by the name of Julia Cameron. I started looking into her books by recommendation of Shauna Neiquists blog and I am in love. The premise of this book is to convince her readers that everyone is a writer. We are all born loving and leveraging words but are quickly discouraged from exploring the millions of facets of writing when we enter into a formal box of strategy and construction. I don't get the sense that she is against formal education, but definitely that she is saddened over the lack of creativity it allows its students. Therefore, through her book, Julia has made it her mission to guide her readers through a simple, everyday, habit-forming way of writing.

So I'm gonna do it.

Now, if you are a frequent Julianna blog reader, you know that everyday commitments and me go together as well as oil and water. So as ambitious as I am, I'm not going to commit to an everyday thing. Life as a wife, student, teacher, and singer does not allow any more room for more commitments. But as an aspiring writer, I want to document this process. She gives practical advice, aids, and homework assignments that start the juices flowing. My favorite part about this book so far is that she emphasizes over and over again that everyone is a writer. Everyone. That means you too. We all have something to say and someone to say it to.

"In our current culture...writing is not forbidden, it is discouraged. Hallmark does it for us. We shop for the card that is the 'closest' to what we wish to say. Writing is about attractions, words you can't resist using to describe things too interesting to pass up. Forget the lofty motives. Begin, begin where you are." ~Cameron.

And that is what I am going to do. Your encouragement, ideas, and advice are greatly welcomed!

~JM


Initiation Tool for Chapter One:

Take 3 sheets of 8 1/2 by 11 paper and fill those pages with how you are feeling right now. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Write about anything and everything. Stop when you fill the 3 pages. [paraphrased from the book]

My Sincere Apologies...

For the lack of photos in my blog. I had them all up, but wordpress decided to get iffy with me. I'm going to try to repost the pictures in their correct blogs but it may take time :( Sorry! From here on out I'll have new photos in the blogs.

~JM
juliannahallworth.com

BackUps

These first 50 blogs will be adapted from my last blogsite. So have fun reading my archives :)

The Heritage of Example

"I Julianna, take you Tyson, to be my lawfully wedded husband...til death do us part."

Love is shown in commitment. There is no person, no letter, no card, no study that can prepare a new husband and wife for the road and journey they are about to embark on. But I do not believe it is for a lack of desire. There are many people who have written sweet letters to me and Ty bestowing upon us their jewels of wisdom. And for those we are grateful. But prior to walking down that aisle, we either cannot or choose not to see what is coming. The bad and the good. Let me explain what I mean by that sentence. By “Cannot” I mean you have not yet encountered a hard season in your relationship and therefore have not yet seen and identified the running issues that will be imminent in your marriage. By “Choose not” I mean you know and have tasted the trials or red-flags and have chosen to be ignorant of them for fear of losing the relationship. So instead of dealing with them, together with another mature couple, you leave them untouched. The first will result in a rude awakening. The latter will become a place of contention in your marriage.

In marriage all things are magnified. The love is deeper, the fights are harder, the laughs are louder, and the sorrows leave greater wounds. Nothing prepares you for that.

Except for one thing.

Example.

It is the only thing that has prepared me for this new chapter in my life. I have an example in my grandparents, my parents, my church parents and mentors, our pastors’ and their wives. We are surrounded by people who are pushing through, loving life, and cherishing one another. Married friends, I cannot express to you just how imperative it is that you have godly, older, seasoned couples in your life that you give full permission to speak truth into your life and your marriage. Without them, you will wither.

My Parents: Even now as I type, my heart is overwhelmed with gratefulness to God for my parents. I do exaggerate sometimes in my blogs, but not this time :) My mother is a woman of God down to the marrow. She is a prayer warrior and is so finely in tune with the Word of God. My dad is a wise, wise man. I have yet to meet another man with his grace and compassion towards others. He always knew the line between friend and father and he walked it well. He set the standard for the quality of man me and my sisters were going to marry.

My Grandparents: 50 years later and in deeper love than they were when they were 15. They sit next to each other at dinner, they have morning devotions every single morning at breakfast, joke around and poke fun at each other, they love each other. They llloooovvveee each other.

The example of committed love that these two generations have shown and lived for their children will benefit the future generations. Of course there are mistakes made, we are human. There are relationships that are seemingly unable to be mended, I am not condemning nor encouraging those. Our pastor said it well, “There is grace for the past, now we move on in that same grace, doing what we know is right according to the Word of God.”

I feel like I’m all over the place because I am so passionate about this subject. Even though I’m just coming up on our 1 year anniversary [woohoo!], I have met so many couples that say the same thing, “I didnt know it was going to be this hard.” No one can prepare you, but yourself. You have to surround yourself with the example you want to imitate and you have to want and receive the guidance that comes with that example.

For those of you who love to cook, you’ll track with this illustration. [For those of you who don’t, you must love to eat so this applies to you too :)]

When you see someone cooking a meal, you watch and study how they cut, mix, blend, and serve the ingredients. Why? So that you can imitate the recipe the right way. You ask questions when you are stumped for fear of making a disastrous meal for your poor family. There is an example set for you, a plan laid out with specific ingredients and techniques to accomplish the tasty meal you are striving for. Same with marriage. You have to ask questions, you have to read the Word in order to learn the proper recipe, you have to be mentored by a much more seasoned married couple. That is how you create a God-fearing, God-honoring marriage.

Yes it is work. Yes it is hard. But it is not aimless. There are examples. And the most important example is that of Christ and the Church. That’s a whole other blog from another time. Maybe I’ll have Ty write it. Hm...

What examples do you have of marriage? What heritage are you creating for your children to pass on?

Love, ~JM

My First Day as a Pastor's Wife

This is a funny story.

Almost a year ago, I married my brilliantly talented husband. He is a musician. He loves music. He dreams music. He breathes music. Even in a crowded restaurant, where we are yelling across the table just to speak loud enough for the other to hear, you can count on one thing: Tyson knows what song is playing in the background and is analyzing the guitar lead. Honest.
He’ll ask me, “babe what song is playing right now?” And my frequent reply is, “Song? You can hear a song? I can’t hear anything!” To which he’ll rattle off the band name, era, and how he feels about the guitar line.

So naturally, when I met him, he was a musician that just happened to be a worship leader. And a good one at that.

However, prior to our meeting, my dear husband was a youth pastor. He worked with Jr. High students at his church down in San Marcos, CA. He loved it. I mean he LOVED it. And he was good at it too. The kids who went through his group still remember all the crazy things he did, the funny stories, the principles he taught them, and that he was a big spiritual influence in their lives. And most of them still call him and come up to visit us.

Then there’s me. I always knew I wanted to marry someone in ministry, but there was one type of pastor I never even considered. In fact, I went out of my way to Not consider it. A youth pastor. Seriously. I thought [past tense ] they were irresponsible, flighty, goofy, and way immature (no offense to all youth pastors). They turned into the kids they taught. So when I heard that Ty used to be a youth pastor, I told him, “I’m glad I didnt know you back then.” Rude right? Very.

Anyways, so now that we are coming up on our year anniversary, the marriage beautifully solidifying, God decided to bait and switch me. A couple months ago, Ty was presented with an amazing opportunity to study and lead under the ministry of our High School pastor (now exec. over Student Ministries), Steve Salomon. Amazing guy with an amazing passion for God. He has been Ty’s mentor and his friend. His faith in my husband makes me fall in love with Tyson all over again. Every one of the God given gifts, characteristics, and talents [my man can teach the Word!] that Steve has affirmed in Ty, I already knew, but to see another great man of faith encouraging him, bragging on him, and putting complete confidence in him makes my heart just want to jump out of my skin.

So even though Jr. High ministry can now hang its hat on my wall of “Things I Never Thought I’d Do”, I am more than ecstatic to be doing this with my husband. His passion for those kids has for sure spilled out and over onto me and I know that I will love them like he does. They love him. They respect him. He loves them. He teaches them. He respects them.

I married a worship leader, but today I am happy to tell the world, I am now a Youth Pastor’s wife. I’m so proud of you honey baby.

Bring on the crazy!

A Work in Progress

Ladies and gents, its official…we are back in the studio! This time it is for our duet lullaby album. [No, we are not preggo. Believe me, you will know when we are ] We have 3 songs done in writing, we’re laying down the tracks for those, and then about 4 or 5 traditional lullabies [and some not-so-traditional] from when we were kiddos. It’s been fun. Slow, but fun. You could call this album the “crock-pot” album It is slow coming but I’m pretty confident that it is going to be goooooood. I have cried a number of times already, hearing my husband write his song to our unborn son…heart melter!

Other than that, Ty’s been working on alot of songs with his band. Their new EP just released and it is on itunes now! Woot woot! Take a listen here. I’m partial, but I think it is SO radio status and super duper catchy. My favorite one is “No One’s Gonna Die.” There’s actually an ironic story to this song. The lyrics of the chorus are, “Calm down, put your guns to the ground, no one’s gonna die. Calm down, put your arms out, cuz no one’s really gonna die.” Soooo…

They were recording that song @ our church one night after service. When 10pm came around they had decided to call it quits because it was a Sunday night and they didn’t want to disturb the neighbors [our church is behind a neighborhood]. So as they were packing up and began to head outside, they walked out to find the Temecula police, screaming at them, guns drawn. After a nervous conversation, they realized it was a miscommunication and someone had called the cops. Crazy eh? I love songs with stories.

As for me, I have been working (crock-pot style) on my book. I have the majority of the outline completed and am working on the first draft. It has been a rough road. I have been reading alot of material on writing, how to write, what to write, etc and am a bit overwhelmed. Most all authors and commentators are saying that, like everything, writing takes practice to get better. Bummer eh? But I guess I should have assumed so. So that is what I have been doing. Practicing writing. Writing letters, writing stories, writing journals, writing blogs, writing songs, and writing the book. But one of my favorite song-writers and worship leaders said something recently that has spurred me on to further perseverance and perspective. She said:

If you’re an artist or creative person of some kind, your artistic “digestive system” is your heart, mind, senses, and your soul. So if something affects your soul, it affects your art.

We are finding our place in the beautiful brokenness that is humanity and observing and recording what we discover along the way. I think the greatest art will always come from honest descriptions/depictions of our experience in the great in-between of being human.

~Brooke Fraser
Isn’t that just beautiful? Well said Brooke. Well said. So in whatever you do, whatever your art is, let it be real. From your heart. And I will try to do the same.

~JM

PS. Here are some recording day pics.

Sweet things come out of boredom.

Ty, makin us sound good on ProTools.

Head-phones hair!

Quiet on the set

Writing From Experience

So, you all know that I’ve been writing my book. It’s been quite struggle to carve out time from my busy crazy days to get a substantial amount of writing in. But it is coming along. I love it. I love the process that I am going through as well. Most times. The fun part comes after the painful one though. I have been going through old journal entries, trying to bring back all the laid-to-rest memories of this journey. Some, I would have completely forgotten had it not been for my crazy obsession to journal and my neat penmanship back in high-school. Old memories. Old feelings. Bad memories and bad feelings. Nevertheless, the fun part is coming. I just know it. I can already see it. It is the part where I see where my life is now and how God has brought me through the thickest of storms, still sane. Mostly.

But last night was not a fun part. And this is a true confession to all this madness.

I have finished the introduction and am currently writing the opening chapter. The one where I believe, everything starts. It’s title is undecided, but the main point is about how one can create, within her mind, what I call a false reality. It’s something that is clearly not real, feelings that are not justified, or thoughts that are lies we have conjured up in our minds. Especially women. As I was writing, I decided it would be good to input some examples of false realities that I have created in my own life. Lies that, in the moment, I choose to believe. And there are plenty to choose from, but for some odd reason I could not put them down on paper. The words just would not come. The countless experiences seemed to have vanished at the one and only beneficial and needed time! So I prayed. Asking that God would remind me of some. I didn’t ask to relive them, just to remind me of them. You know, as if they were someone else’s stories I was able to preview as a quick jog to my memory. Well that is just not the way it works.

Last night, I had a bad dream. More like a nightmare. Now, this is normal for me. The ratio of good dreams to bad dreams in my life is quite a tipped scale in favor of the bad dreams. But for the last 3 months or so I have had them every night. Usually I wake up in a funk, still feeling the emotions I did in my dream. Frustration, anger, fear. But they shake off before breakfast and I move on with my day. Most times. But then there are days like today when those emotions just wont release.

Without boring you of the details, in my dream I was being stalked by 3 men. Not like paparazzi stalked. Like creeper status stalked. Finally I asked everyone in my house to lock all the doors so they wouldn’t get in. I ran to one of the rooms in my house to lock the doors and there was already a man in there. As I flipped the light on, he jumped at me in attack, and at the moment shook myself out of my sleep. Of course I started bawling and woke my ever-so-amazing husband in a fright and he held me the rest of the night.

However, despite my intense desire to fall back asleep, I couldn’t. I have been awake since 3AM. I thought maybe I was just spooked so I got up, walked around. Even brushed my teeth again Trying everything to get me out of this weird weird state. At 8:30A I went to breakfast with a dear friend. I thought maybe I was coming out of it because we were laughing and crying and sharing, but then I realized the lies and fear were still there. This guy came in and sat in the booth across from us and the whole time I had this weird fear that he was watching me. Stalking me. He didn’t even look like a creeper but I was seriously afraid despite the fact that I knew he wasn’t. So when I got home, I talked to Ty about it [in tears] and he not only talked me back to reality, he gave me profound insight into what was going on. He said, “You realize what is happening right? You are doing research for your book.”

Bingo.

You see, when one is in the moment of false reality, it’s all they can see. I could have [and partially did] lived this whole day in fear and frustration if I didn’t have my husband to pull me out. I needed his perspective to prove that mine was skewed. It was false.

So today has been a day of research. A day of fear. But also a day of answered prayer. My memory is jogged and so today has also made great progress in my newness as a writer. All to say, I am writing from experience.

~JM

Divinely and Utterly Happy

Looking over my archived blogs I am ever so grateful for my life.

As one of my favorite actresses once said, “Did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?” ~Holly Golightly [Breakfast @ Tiffany’s]. It was a trip down memory lane, glancing back at the girl I once was, seeing now the girl I still am, and just hoping for the woman I might become. Five years ago, as a 17 year old girl, my worries consisted of what college I would go to, my future career options, and who I was going to marry. 

Never in a million years would I have predicted all that has happened in those short five years. But I could not have chosen a better college to attend (GBC), nor a better major to pursue (psychology), nor would I have planned to come home 2 years early, just to change my major to Ministry Counseling and marry such a passionate and driven man with whom I would spend the rest of my life making music.

My plan for my life was quite different. I was going to get married at 19, finish my degree, work as a school psychologist at an alternative high school for 5 years and then start my enormous family [9 little ones to be exact]. Oh and I was going to find a church where I could sing on the worship team. There’s a verse in Proverbs that has never rang truer to me: “A man’s heart can make his plans, but the Lord directs his steps” [Proverbs 16:9]. But even though things did not pan out as I had imagined they would, I could not be more divinely and utterly happy. Seriously. And that does not necessarily mean that I am happy because I’ve got it good. No problems. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life. No way Jose. It is hard. It is dang hard. There are times when I am convicted in Scripture or when there is a principle of “Wife-hood” that I feel I just cannot learn. Times when I feel like I am a little girl starting at a budding flower.

Just staring.

And staring.

Hoping that by staring I will be able to figure something out. That the answers to my questions, the calm to my fears, will just jump out at me and I’ll say, “OH! That’s how it works!” “That’s what that means!” “That’s what I’m supposed to do!” But it doesn’t quite work that way. Just like math and music and spelling and reading, all learning takes first hand experience and boat loads of practice.

My dear friend Channing and I had a saying we would always remind each other of in high school. “Don’t pray for patience, because God’s not going to just give it to you.

He’s going to give you opportunities to learn it.” God is not going to just sprinkle some fairy dust and there ya go; lesson learned and attributes attained. His Word clearly illustrates that things will never be easy, but that His grace will always be sufficient [2 Corinthians 12:9].

It makes me think of the story of Moses in the Exodus from Egypt [Exodus 33]. He is freaking out in conversation with the Lord begging, “I have no idea where I am going. I need you to show me.” [Any of you said these words before...or even now??] And the Lord replies, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

He doesn’t say, “I will cause your heart and mind to trust me so that things run smoothly for us both.” He lets Moses know, it is going to be ok. He will give all that he needs, when he needs it. He will learn and he will grow. He will thrive as the leader of these people.

Just like us.

So this is my challenge to you: Rest. Rest in knowing that God will supply your every need. Rest in knowing that anything and everything you go through, He knows about it and promises that you’ll make it through. Rest in knowing that hard times purge the bad stuff out and grow the new stuff in.
If there’s one thing I know with all my heart, it is that the Lord is faithful to His people and that, my friends, keeps me divinely and utterly happy.