Thursday, February 18, 2010

Divinely and Utterly Happy

Looking over my archived blogs I am ever so grateful for my life.

As one of my favorite actresses once said, “Did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?” ~Holly Golightly [Breakfast @ Tiffany’s]. It was a trip down memory lane, glancing back at the girl I once was, seeing now the girl I still am, and just hoping for the woman I might become. Five years ago, as a 17 year old girl, my worries consisted of what college I would go to, my future career options, and who I was going to marry. 

Never in a million years would I have predicted all that has happened in those short five years. But I could not have chosen a better college to attend (GBC), nor a better major to pursue (psychology), nor would I have planned to come home 2 years early, just to change my major to Ministry Counseling and marry such a passionate and driven man with whom I would spend the rest of my life making music.

My plan for my life was quite different. I was going to get married at 19, finish my degree, work as a school psychologist at an alternative high school for 5 years and then start my enormous family [9 little ones to be exact]. Oh and I was going to find a church where I could sing on the worship team. There’s a verse in Proverbs that has never rang truer to me: “A man’s heart can make his plans, but the Lord directs his steps” [Proverbs 16:9]. But even though things did not pan out as I had imagined they would, I could not be more divinely and utterly happy. Seriously. And that does not necessarily mean that I am happy because I’ve got it good. No problems. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life. No way Jose. It is hard. It is dang hard. There are times when I am convicted in Scripture or when there is a principle of “Wife-hood” that I feel I just cannot learn. Times when I feel like I am a little girl starting at a budding flower.

Just staring.

And staring.

Hoping that by staring I will be able to figure something out. That the answers to my questions, the calm to my fears, will just jump out at me and I’ll say, “OH! That’s how it works!” “That’s what that means!” “That’s what I’m supposed to do!” But it doesn’t quite work that way. Just like math and music and spelling and reading, all learning takes first hand experience and boat loads of practice.

My dear friend Channing and I had a saying we would always remind each other of in high school. “Don’t pray for patience, because God’s not going to just give it to you.

He’s going to give you opportunities to learn it.” God is not going to just sprinkle some fairy dust and there ya go; lesson learned and attributes attained. His Word clearly illustrates that things will never be easy, but that His grace will always be sufficient [2 Corinthians 12:9].

It makes me think of the story of Moses in the Exodus from Egypt [Exodus 33]. He is freaking out in conversation with the Lord begging, “I have no idea where I am going. I need you to show me.” [Any of you said these words before...or even now??] And the Lord replies, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

He doesn’t say, “I will cause your heart and mind to trust me so that things run smoothly for us both.” He lets Moses know, it is going to be ok. He will give all that he needs, when he needs it. He will learn and he will grow. He will thrive as the leader of these people.

Just like us.

So this is my challenge to you: Rest. Rest in knowing that God will supply your every need. Rest in knowing that anything and everything you go through, He knows about it and promises that you’ll make it through. Rest in knowing that hard times purge the bad stuff out and grow the new stuff in.
If there’s one thing I know with all my heart, it is that the Lord is faithful to His people and that, my friends, keeps me divinely and utterly happy.

^^^Opinions, two-cents, questions and ramblings are welcome. And go above. Go ahead. Try it.

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