3 Thoughts on Repeat this Mother's Day

My heart is full this morning, reflecting on the heritage and journey God has brought us through so far. And I don't mean "us" like just me and Ty. I mean "us" as in our families, grandparents and all. The Hallworth + Morlet lineage has weathered many storms thus far and to see where God has allowed Ty and I to be is, well, a bit overwhelming.

I knew this Mother's Day would be different than the last. How could it not be? This morning, it seems as though even my internal alarm clock decided to change it up. The pregnant girl who wakes up between 9:30 and 10:00 each morning, sprung out of bed at 6:30 to the sound of birds warming up their tiny vocal chords as if they were readying for some sort of anthem.

As I (almost) skipped to the kitchen, unpeeled my banana, I had these three thoughts on repeat:

1. I love my mom.
Not like, awe how sweet, I love my mom. But more like, I could never do life without this spit-fire woman in my life. I need her. She brings so wisdom and grace (and sometimes a kick in the butt) to every situation. She is irreplaceable to me. Irreplaceable.

2. I want to be like her. 
Some girls may cringe at the though of being anything remotely like their own moms. But if I could choose one thing about my momma that has shaped me the most, as a women and a soon-to-be-mother, it would be her vulnerability through imperfection.  My mom isn't perfect and she's made a lot of bonehead mistakes in her life, but she never tried to hide them. She never attempted to set a false standard of perfection for her family. She lives her life based on grace alone because she knows, oh she knows, it's vitality. I want to do that.

3. I am a mother.
This killed me. Even now I weep, because as a woman named Hannah prayed year in and year out for the promise of a child, I prayed for this baby girl snuggled so tightly in my womb. All I've said to her for the past two hours is, "You're here baby girl. You're finally here and I love you so much."

365 days ago I knew life would be different; but not this wonderful, magical, surreal kind of different.

The birds singing outside have settled into a rhythmic song of chirp & coo's, having no idea their music is the soundtrack for the celebration that is happening in this weary heart.

A Quick Note to Pastors on Mother's Day

Dear Pastors, 

This weekend is a very special one for most of your congregation. But there may be a small (yet larger than you think) group of women who will sit in your pews and chairs, in silent pain. 

I've always seen Mother's day as a regular holiday everyone celebrates with moms and grams and over priced Marie Callendar's Pot Pie. Until last year. My husband and I struggled through two miscarriages and words like "sorrow, loss, or grief" don't even begin to cover it. But the insight that has come out of that season has been irreplaceable. 

From the Job Song, to women I've been able to meet and pray healing over and weep with and relate with, it has been a season, not of joy by any means, but of sweet and subtle redemption. That season has begun to redeem itself and for that I am grateful.

So why am I writing you?

Because as you stand on a platform and celebrate the amazing feat and journey of motherhood with the women attending your services, remember those who will never experience that, no matter how much they grasp for it.

No one should be ashamed of being a mother or celebrating mothers. That's just ridiculous. Motherhood is an amazing journey that changes the world. Life is life and it is worthy of celebration.

But please know, there will be women in the seats of your church services that may not show up because the emotional, physical, and even spiritual pain of this day will be too much.

And if they do, they deserve to be celebrated, even in prayer, as well. Your graciousness and love on them will mean the world. I promise. 

Sincerely,

Julianna Morlet, a mother of miscarriage

More on my experience through Mother's Day & Miscarriage :

- Seeing Mother's Day From the Other Side

- I Will Never Forget the Other Side of Motherhood

Dear Friend, You're Ashamed

Dear Friend,

You are scared. You are fearful. You feel shame and guilt and anger. You feel mistreated and betrayed by those who made a commitment of trust, friendship and care to you and your family.

And that's okay. Your feelings, they're valid. More than valid.

You're doing the best you can, and despite what they may say my dear, that is good enough.

I know there are many who wish they could fight this battle for you. We want to ride in on our white horses and slash all misconception, speculation, judgement and fear from the equation of your life. We want to comfort and protect the exposed parts of you and bandage up the wounds caused by those who were supposed to be your family of sorts.

But we can't. It kills us that we can't. We can't because we know God is revving up to what some might call a breakthrough. You are a liaison for change, a representative of grace. And my sweet friend, your family is going to change this world.

So count it joy, my sister, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.* Don't confuse this one however, with happiness for the pain. Don't count the trial joy, for there is nothing joyous about the heartbreak you are experiencing. The joy comes only from the aftermath we know it will produce and from Whom we know will produce it. 

And let steadfastness, or perseverance, have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.* You are being made like Christ, for though He suffered much, He did so because we, His Church, His people, were worth it. 

You will experience rest again. (Matthew 11:28-29) 
Your girl will feel joy again. (Psalm 30:5)
Your family will see redemption and wholeness. (Romans 3:24-26)

That is a promise given to you by an almighty God. He's never broken a promise to His people and He won't start now. 

Love,

Julianna

*James 1:1-3

Original photo  credit to Daria Dorofeeva

Are Our Experiences Really That Different?

You've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times, pregnancy and motherhood is different for every woman. 

I think that's true, until it's not. 

I feel like most women tailgate their mothering advice with, "but it's different for everyone." Like it's some sort of caveat they know is false, but they don't want to pressure you into having the same experiences they did. 

I've noticed a tricky trend where women talk about the horrors of dirty diapers and midnight feedings, but their eyes don't scream HORROR. With every detail of the "Flu-venge of 2011" there's a memory tape that plays as they tell the story. And their reactions? Well, they're not horrified. They're comical. Endearing. It's like those memories come married to the cuddle sessions and "Mommy I wuv you's" that followed. 

I started reading Melanie Shankle's new memoir, Sparkly Green Earrings: Catching the Light at Every Turn. (Buy the book!) A friend got it for me as a gift and to be honest, it's a book I totally forgot I wanted to read! (You have those too right?)

But not only is Melanie freaking hilarious in her deliberations of pregnancy, preconceived notions, and motherhood, she loves everything about being a mother. It's as if I'm sitting in her living room, with coffee brewing, and she's spilling her guts about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I feel like every page of her pregnancy stories I'm cracking up and silently screaming, "Dude!!! ME TOO!" But her delivery? It's all good. It's all beautiful. 

Many of you know this way more than I do, that mothering is going to be the best thing I've experienced in my life so far. And there's a reason we scream, "Me too!" And I love it. I love it all. But just know I'm on to you ;)

I think we're all more alike that we think we are. 

Until of course, we're not. 

- - - - -

The Girl that Sings blog isn't a mommy blog, but I do post updates, stories and topics of motherhood I'm discovering and others I'm wrestling through once a week on Thursdays if you care to enjoy and join the convo.

How I Prep for a Speaking Engagement | Women's Retreats

I love speaking to a room full of women. Throw men in there and I freeze up like your tongue on a frozen swing set. (You know the one I'm talking about.) It's not them necessarily that intimidates me, but it's that I feel more free speaking to women because there are no reserves. You can recall the weird details about any situation and they all chuckle and shake their heads because they know! It's a sweet camaraderie.

A room full of women who are there to learn and hear and experience God contains to potential for something magical to happen.

The days and weeks leading up to an event, I try to do a variety of things to prepare.

• PRAY - super spiritual right?

This one isn't a ritual and I don't do it because I have to, but rather because I have to! These moments of prayer aren't a focus time or even a meditation time for me and God. They are a begging, pleading and frantic one sided counseling session. Minus the leather couch.

When speaking to women strangers, the need to hear from God is of utmost importance to me because I don't know them like He does. In fact, I don't know most of them at all. But He sees their lives right now, He knows their needs right now, and He knows what He's fashioning in them, right now. I don't want to derail or weaken that.

I want to enforce it. So I pray.

• OBSERVE - the circumstances of my own life.

I made a pact with God when I first began speaking publicly, that He could prepare me for upcoming events by giving me illustrations and teaching moments within my own life. Dangerous, but effective.

So the weeks leading up to an event, I journal and take mental notes of everything going on. What am I feeling? What arguments are Ty and I picking? Is disaster striking at an opportune time? (This may or may not be a ploy to keep buying these journals.)


Sometimes it means nothing. But occasionally, when it does, it's more powerful than any story I could have just imagined up.

• READ - the theme verse, passage, or story.

Some retreat or conferences will give their speakers a theme to base talks off of. Some are vague and open-ended and other are more specific. Either way, I like to read it over and over and over and over and over again to get the Scripture so engrained in my brain and heart. I try to read it in different versions and write post-its for my purse, wallet and car to remind me to have it on the forefront of my mind.

• STUDY - with Bible, commentaries, internet and notebook in hand. 

Everyone has their own study methods that work best for them, so I won't go into detail on what mine are. But the basics are to figure out what message (topic sentence) I want them to get by the end of my ramblings. I start from the end and work my way back to the beginning.

Thanks to Ty and Andrew (my pastor), I have bookshelves of commentaries and author insights into the various passages I'm studying.

*SideNote: If you have someone in your life whose expertise is Biblical Studies, use them! They are willing, able, and honored to help you. Seriously. 

• RECORD - intros and outros.

This coming event will be my first time trying this. I voice recorded my intros for the purpose of not getting sidetracked. I know how long it's going to take to get from introductions to the text and again from the text to the end of the message. I'm hoping it keeps everything nice and packaged, minimizing the rabbit trails we all know are going to happen. We'll see if it worked.

• REVIEW - to affirm what counts and discard what doesn't. 

I try to be done studying, researching, and writing within 7 days of an event so I have time to work through delivery and take out any nonsense I wrote while eating my medium cheese pizza. It happens. It's the clean up process.

• THANK YOU NOTES - for the people in my life who taught me to love God.

This time, it was for my Momma. She taught me to love God and teach people about Him. Thanks Momma!

As a result of these basic steps, my organization and prep time has been more effective and the outcome more free to be powerful.


Do you have tricks or tips you use to prepare for a speaking engagement? 


"In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." --Dwight D. Eisenhower  

No I Did Not Eat a Medium (Super Thin Crust) Pizza By Myself

Seriously, the crust is barely there. At least that's my alibi and I'm sticking to it.

It's my favorite pizza place. Ty was out of town. Baby Girl Mo was practically begging for it. What would you have done huh? #commensejudging #orcompassion

Eating for two has slowed down a bit, thank goodness.

The first trimester, I ate double of everything. Oh not because I was supposed to, but because if food wasn't in my body, someone was going to die.

The second trimester, I got a hold of my adult self and tried to limit the intake to breakfast and lunch. Midnight bathroom trips are overrated.

The third trimester, well, I feel like a human being again. But only in this aspect. Everything else is still amazingly and beautifully weird.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Your turn: Did you over, under, craving eat your way through pregnancy? 

The Girl that Sings blog isn't a mommy blog, but I do post updates, stories and topics of motherhood I'm discovering and others I'm wrestling through once a week on Thursdays.

Closing Instagram to Dignify Someone

You know that moment, when you're walking down the street, there's someone walking towards you and you do a quick assessment in your head about whether you have enough time to open Instagram and look busy or whether you're now in that awkward phase where you should probably acknowledge their existence?

Just me? Okay.

I have this moment almost everyday. More so since moving to LA. Sometimes it's easy to choose the smile or nod or even squeak out a hello. But more times than not, how much easier is it to just keep walking?

We think things like, You'll never see them again. They look busy too, right? They don't look friendly or like they want to be greeted. Yada yada yada. 

And sometimes, maybe those are true. But when they're not, and we do smile or wave or squeak out our hellos, we send the message that we see them.

In the craziness of life, we can often feel invisible, unheard or unseen, but when you and I acknowledge one another's existence, we dignify each other. 

Resist the urge to tap open Facebook or Instagram and dignify someone today.

Life is Meant to be Celebrated & Death is Meant to be Mourned

In the same week, I've been excitedly waiting with a friend whose baby girl is over due and mourning with another whose baby will never walk this earth. 

Emotions are jumping back and forth, and it seems like it should feel wrong, going from gladness to sadness. But each circumstance is tragically separate and beautifully united. 

Life is life. And short or long, each life is meant to be celebrated and the loss of it is meant to be mourned. 

Just as there are no words to describe the overwhelm of childbirth, there are no words to describe the depth of pain and sorrow in the loss of a child. 

No two births are the same, yet they are equally beautiful.

No two miscarriages are either, yet they are equally tragic. 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15